Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. The relationship between Jacob and his wives is mind boggling. Here we see two jealous sisters married to the same man and competing for his affection. They are so jealous and competitive that they actually give their servants to Jacob to have sex with him so that they can have more children and “win” this competition.
What Jacob and his wives understood was that children are a gift – a blessing – from God. When Rachel begged Jacob to give her children his response is reasonable; “Am I in the place of God?” There is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. God is always in the midst of creating life.
Interestingly, it is Leah, the one with weak eyes, who is the most often pregnant. The scriptures flatly state that it is because she was hated that God blessed her with sons beyond her sister. Indeed, she had as many sons as her sister and the two servants combined!
This competition, and the slighting of one wife while favoring another, is not part of God’s plan for marriage. While God clearly works in this less-than-perfect family, he never condones polygamy. His desire is clearly that a man have one wife and that husband and wife love and honor one another. The family is to be a place of unity where children can be nurtured in the love of the Lord. A wife should not have to buy her husband’s affection – nor a husband his wife’s! – through favors or gifts. There should be emotional security for both spouses and children in a husband and wife’s/father and mother’s love for one another.
While there is crassness to what these sisters are doing – and a crudeness in the fact that Jacob just seems to roll with it having sex with his wives and servants – it is worth taking a moment to highlight the importance of physical affection in marriage. The Bible flatly states in 1 Corinthians 7:3 that a husbands and wives should not withhold sex from one another. Verse 5 says, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time.”
Touching, kissing, hugging and ultimately intercourse are intended to bind a couple together. If the only way we ever showed affection for our spouse is by saying, “I love you,” we run the risk of allowing the relationship to grow cold. (And if we never even say, “I love you,” what message does that give?) God created us with physical bodies, and as husbands and wives give their bodies to one another they are expressing their mutual love and commitment to stick together.
A kiss is a good thing. When children see their parents express (appropriate) affection for each other it helps them feel secure (even if they gag and make barfing sounds when you do!). Touching is good. Hold hands sometimes. If the kids complain that you’re spreading cooties, just smile at them.
And in showing affection for one another don’t forget to express forgiveness to each other. We’re not perfect, and sometimes the strongest way to say, “I love you,” is to forgive as Jesus forgives us.
Father, thank you for creating us to give and receive affection. Help us to give and receive this gift as you have designed it so that the marriage bed will not be defiled, and marriage will be held in honor by all. Amen.
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